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Mistakes other divers have done

I was going to do some skin diving off of my Dad's boat so I put on my skin diving gear and rolled over into the drink, forgetting that I had a snorkel and not a scuba regulator in my mouth I tried to breath and all I got was water. I don't think anyone noticed this either (except me of course!) Ah, the snorkel ingestion routine.

I was assisting someone during a rescue course once. You know, the stooge who stands by and holds the "unconscious" diver's weight belt while the student practices in-the- water mouth to mouth. For some reason it never occurred to me that having an extra 15 pounds of weight dropped into my hands might have an adverse affect on my buoyancy. So there I was on my way to the bottom with a snorkel in my mouth, the student's weight belt in one hand and his (expensive prescription) mask in the other. I didn't inhale any water, thankfully, but it was a busy few seconds as I juggled things around trying to find my inflator hose. The students were entirely too busy to notice my sudden disappearance, so I only suffered self- embarrassment.

We sat in a diving boat, my best friends and I, ready to go down. I looked at my gear to watch out for lose hoses and stuff, but everything looked fine. So I rolled into the water, backwards. On the way down from the boat to the surface, I realized that there were no fins on my feet... But I was *sure* I had put them on! Turned out that I'd had my feet *on* the fins, not *in* them...

A diver sits on the side of the boat while getting dressed: first the wetsuit jacket, hook up the beavertail, BCD, mask, etc. He then enters by rolling backwards off the rail, only to find that the beavertail is fastened around said rail. He said it was funny at the time and he would have laughed except he was hanging upside down by the beavertail wearing a full SCUBA rig with his head underwater...

Yep, even the professionals screw up on occasion. Let's see, besides the "Oh, damn, I jumped in without my weight belt" feeling (I managed the dive without my weight belt, but I had a tough time on the safety bar), I've proven that you can't teach an old dog new tricks on more than one occasion. I've descended to about 20 feet trying to figure out why my regulator was breathing so wet when I finally figured out that I still had my snorkel in my mouth... However, the stupidest thing I've ever done was something that, at first look, seems pretty innocuous. I was in a wreck diving class and we were to do a swim-around a wreck in the Atlantic. I get buddied up with a guy who, in training at least, seemed like a competent diver. I didn't really know him well, but he was in the class, so how bad can he be? Folks, if you're diving with someone you don't know, talk to them and evaluate them and, if uncomfortable, refuse to get into the water with them. He ended up narcing and confusing "up" with "down". Swimming after him, I caught him at 178 feet, head down and kicking, and dragged him back up. Diving with him was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

On my first boat dive, off Pensacola a while back, I was buddying with a friend who was fairly experienced. He found a mushroom-type boat anchor on the wreck and decided to keep it by carrying it around with him. To compensate, he put some more air in his bc. Tell me if you can see what's coming. He did, indeed, drop the anchor and started upwards. I saw what happened and grabbed his fin, hooking my fins under the rail of the wreck we were diving (at about 100 ft). He was flailing his arms around trying to find his dump valve and I lost hold of his fin. According to the boat captain, my buddy came out of the water like a Polaris missile. I followed him up at a more sedate pace, not really expecting to find him conscious, but he was OK. I haven't dived with him since, and I've never experienced anything like it since, either.

The stupidest thing I've ever seen while diving was a solo diver go into a cavern (his first ever), and proceed into the cave zone without an adequate backup light, and with no redundant air supply. The diver was lucky to realize how stupid he was and get the !@$# out. I can say with certainty that he hasn't done anything like that since then--I was the diver. I'd like to think I'm smarter now.

Last year, I was at the Blue Lagoon just north of Houston doing an advanced checkout; It was April so the water was still a bit cool and my buddy and I were both wearing 3m wetsuits. We swam out to a buoy and began to do our descent. I got about 10 feet down but I noticed that my buddy was not with me. I looked up and could see him flailing at the surface. I went back up and the first words he said to me was "I forgot to put on my weight belt". What is so humorous about this is that on shore, we did the usual buddy check of each other gear and made sure everything was in order (so we thought). Of course, he took a little ribbing from the rest of the class and we still like to tell that story at parties.

When I was working in a dive store two young guys came in to return rental gear. As I was checking in their gear they asked me what were some symptoms of the bends, naturally I asked why they wanted to know... They said they had done 2 dive to *around 80-100 feet* for *around 30-40 min* with a 10-15 min surface interval to change tanks, and then while walking up a steep hill after the dive had developed a "tingly" feeling.... God it boggles the mind some days...

Ten things NOT to say on a Dive Boat

10. "Can I keep this coral that your anchor broke off?"
9. "Buddy? Oh, did I go down with a buddy?"
8. "Can someone lend me a computer? Mine keeps flashing 'Deco Violation'?"
7. "I count seven, are you SURE there are eight names on the manifest?"
6. "Does anyone else smell smoke?"
5. "What do I do with this bucket of vomit?"
4. "Could you 'warm up' my wetsuit for me?"
3. "Macarena anyone?"
2. "Certification smertification!"
1. "Is that your mask under my tank?"


 Top Ten Reasons Why Diving is Better than Sex

10. Divers don't get worried when you ask if you can put on the rubber suit now
9. Everybody gets to be on the bottom
8. Its not how long you stay up, its how long you stay down
7. The question 'are you wet yet?' wont get you slapped
6. Everything looks bigger underwater
5. Regulators are balanced - it doesn't matter how hard you suck
4. You can dive with a group of strangers anytime you want
3. Fins give you more thrust
2. Wet suits can be used more than once
1. Divers don't get mad when you notice they've put weight on


Ten Reasons for not Fitting into your Old Wetsuit

10. It's the dryer.
9. I decided to put on some weight to keep me warmer while diving.
8. I wear a spare tire for extra buoyancy.
7. It's not just my wetsuit; ALL of my clothes have shrunk.
6. It fits...in places.
5. My wife is pregnant and the doctor says weight gain is normal.
4. It's not too tight, you just haven't been pulling hard enough on the zipper.
3. Winter fitness regimen of rigorously watching "Baywatch" not as effective as planned.
2. Darn, looks like I grabbed the wife's suit again.
1. It's amazing how much you puff up from a jellyfish sting.